Eli in Toronto

THE COCKROACH WHISPERER Our apartment complex has had other pest control firms come in over the years. They came and went. Usually, tenants did not even speak to the guys doing the work. They were impersonal. They didn’t really care about us or our individual problems. Then Vugar arrived on the scene. I was amazed. He cares! In fact, he is relentless, even obsessive—exactly what I want in a pest-control guy. Even before the first treatment, he took the time to discuss with me specific problem areas in my apartment. Then he described exactly what he was going to do, and why. He left me with some roach traps so we would know how bad the problem was before he even started. After the first treatment (fogging), he left me more roach traps so we could determine success. Several days later, he unexpectedly arrived my door to look at the traps and photograph them. His dedication inspired me to learn about cockroach biology online. He listened patiently as I explained my theory—based on elementary physics and what I had learned online—as to why cockroaches do not like to walk diagonally across walls. (This actually did have something to do with my particular problem.) After the first treatment, the number of roaches in the traps was dramatically reduced. I thought one treatment would be enough, that all we had to do was wait it out. Vugar would have none of this. “Every single cockroach must be tracked down and destroyed,” he insisted, “Or I will not rest.” The second treatment was dusting. I wanted Vugar to spread dust on parts of the floor seldom walked on. He refused, telling me cockroaches seldom just walk around randomly. They favour edges and cracks, along baseboards, where they hide easily and deposit their egg sacks. Vugar was right. Immediately after the second treatment, only a couple of roaches in all the traps. Then no more. He was supposed to return two weeks from now to inspect. But he appeared today for a quick check of the traps. Only two cockroaches in all the traps! I thought he would be happy. His eyes narrowed; his brow furrowed. “No, we cannot stop until all are gone,” he said gravely. When he returns in two weeks to inspect will he be satisfied? I don’t know, traps will tell. I do know that complete eradication of the roaches will happen—I think it already has. I will cooperate with him completely. We are a team now. I am an old man. I am tired. Now I have a reason to live! I look at the dirty plate on the counter. “I'll leave it until tomorrow,” I tell myself. No! Vugar would not approve, and he would be right. Get up and wash it now. I am prevailing on the building manager to keep Vugar as our permanent pest control guy. He is our Cockroach Whisperer. He does not seek to tame them. He whispers them to their doom.